i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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