if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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