I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
