I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
