people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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