this boner is exhausting
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
