4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
