take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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