you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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