:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My liver just had a heart attack.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
