Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
