I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
