She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
