He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
well you can't waste a boner
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
