Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All I want is dick and wine.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
