No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
