I wish I could punch you in the face.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
