but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize