trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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