Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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