You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
