guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
