I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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