you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
