Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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