Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
