i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize