Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
