We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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