I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
