I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
