my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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