It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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