So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
