Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
nutella sex= disaster
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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