did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
