my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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