The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
