when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
