Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
