Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
