We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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