Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
