Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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