i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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