im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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