You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
