You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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