I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
