If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
