she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
