i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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