And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
