There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
