When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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