Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
