Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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