nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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