We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
