i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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