Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
