Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
