im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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