If i come over, it means nothing
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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