i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do vagina's smell?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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