go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
