I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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