My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
