God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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