I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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