i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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