Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
