The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
