Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
