seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you never un-have a 4some
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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