When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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