tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I need to calm my uterus...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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