i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
