We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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