Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize