i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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