I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
