No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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