Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
