i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
