she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
