Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
