The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I met the friendliest cop last night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
