So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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