I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
