I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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