Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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