I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
