I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I lost the right to judge tonight
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
