my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
