im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
