so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
