after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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