why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
