My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
