I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
