i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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