I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
