I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
