Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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