For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
