so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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