Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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