I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
