I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
