Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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