I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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