God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I AM VODKA MAN
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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