dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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